Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Bruno Who-now?

Originally posted on Facebook 18/5/12

I heard a song on the radio last night, not sure who it's by, I'm sure someone will tell me, but it consisted of some American chap explaining to his girlfriend just how much he loved her... Nothing wrong with this you might think, very popular in this type of affair. But some of the ways that he was happy to prove it were a little, well, extreme if you ask me:

"I would catch a grenade for 'yah'" - Now, I'm assuming that they are stood in close proximity, what with their undying love and everything. The standard fatal blast radius of the U.S. standard issue M67 grenade is 5 meters - So they'd both be, like, a snotty red mess, not altogether attractive to either sex you'd think.

"Throw my hand on a blade for 'yah'" - OK, so maybe he's a Ninja, I mean, intercepting a knife, mid-air isn't impossible - Just very, very, improbable. If you've got the 'Mad Ninja Skillz' to do that, why not trip the guy before he throws the knife and have it away on your toes before he gets up?

"I'd jump infront of a train for 'yah'" - What? The girl he's desperately trying to woo is either standing on the tracks already, or has just asked him to do it, so either

A) she's completely dog-shavingly mental or
B) borderline psychotic / Sociopathic.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been out with some complete nut-jobs in my time, but never one that said "Prove you love me by throwing yourself under the 10:17 to Birmingham New Street"

"Take a bullet straight through my brain" - And what happens directly after this? The undisclosed assailant simply pops a cap in one's soul-mate too. So, you're decalring your love by effectively just standing there and letting both of you get shot.

You'd have to ask yourself if a girl who was constantly being shot at, stabbed and having explosives thrown at her (not to mention making her home on an active railway track) was a good choice in the first place, I mean, why are all these people trying to kill her? Is she involved in organised crime?

Remember when songs were about walking in fields on a summer's day and seeing some lovely rabbits?


  1. Nice Rob! I thought it was just me that didn't get the modern "music"!

    Time to get on Twitter too!

  2. Your wish is my command, it seems I am now among the honoured Twitterati, with the name Chimping_Dandy - There's a possibility that I need an @ or a # in there somewhere, but I'll be beggared blind if I know how it all works.