Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Do you like boobs?

Afternoon Bloggerinos... after yesterday's tardiness, I thought I'd better get this beggar out on time - can't have the daily page hits dropping any more than they have already!


I was sat in the reading room of Dandy Towers this morning, you know, the one with the shower, handbasin and the porcelain seat with the hole in the middle? I was catching up on one of my most favourite websites in all the world - The Chive - For those of you who haven't seen it, it's one of those sites that collect photos from the Interweb, or user submissions, sorts them into themes and display them for your pleasure in easy to digest chunks.

The themes tend to be of the 'Scantily clad ladies from the front', 'Scantily clad ladies from the rear', 'How ingenuity pays off in the long run' and 'How awesome is that?' variety - Actually, I'm selling it short, I've never met anyone who's seen it that hasn't become instantly addicted. I'm reliably informed by the MiniDandy that there's a girls version, with shoes and cake and topless men on it... It's called The Berry. (They also do a lot of great work for charity - And it's run by John Rezig, the guy who played Deputy Kevin Ellis in True Blood - What's not to like?)

Take a moment to go and look at these places now, I don't mind...

OK, everyone back? - That took longer than I expected, never leave me again, I was worried!

Right, so, I was looking at a thread called Daily Afternoon Randomness (Which all the cool kids call The DAR) and I came across a new (possibly made up) word - I'd like to teach it to you, because I feel I'm not just here to entertain - I like to be educational too...

SonderThe realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own — populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness — an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

Sonder... Try and work it into a conversation today, it'll make you sound sexy, like me.

Now, that made me think, that maybe it's not just me after all - I really hope it's not, because it would mean that I'm a rampaging megalomaniac - But, when I look at people passing by I've sometimes thought, 'Those people's lives can't be anywhere near as complicated as mine - I mean, if everyone's was there'd be people exploding left, right and centre with the stress!'

For that word, made up or not, to exist - There must be other people who feel like that on a more or less regular basis.

Yeah, not just me... That's a real comfort.

I am though, as most of you know, what a lot of people might call 'a wind-up merchant'. I often say and do things purely for the devilment value, people getting red-face and foaming at the mouth are my Veuve Clicquot and souffleed wombat. All this Sonder business reminded me of a heated discussion I once had with one of my Sister-in-Laws (both of whom I love, sororally, very much).

We were sat in a little lego house in Luton (Bedfordshire, UK) in the mid to late 90's, it was the early hours of Saturday morning, we had all had waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to drink and were talking rubbish. I think the topic had moved through several subjects... Freemasonry, Eugenics, Religion, Politics, Jingoism, Immigration, The National Health Service - You know, the stuff you really shouldn't talk about if you are opinionated, or drunk, or both.

I can't remember much of the actual details if I'm being completely honest, although I do have a vague vision of my Sister-in-law, pointing at me across the table and saying:

'So, let me get this straight... You honestly believe that you're the only person who actually exists, and we're figments of your imagination, just here to make your life interesting?'


'That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard!'

'I doubt that..'

'There's no way you could possibly think that was true!'

'I do,'

'But I've got my own thoughts, I live my own life.'

'Nope, you only think you do, it makes you seem more believable, therefore more entertaining to me.'

Then she exploded!*

I seem to remember that it was around this time that Mrs Dandy decided it would be better if we all got some sleep, which on the whole was probably the right move.

I wish I'd thought at the time to note that idea down, I could have written a screen-play, called it 'The solid matter in which a fossil or crystal is embedded' or 'A specific rectangular array of numbers or algebraic quantities subject to mathematical operations'

Note to self: Really need to work on my screenplay titles, need to be shorter and snappier.

Anywho, enjoy the rest of your day, browse The Chive / The Berry and K.C.C.O. Dudes!

*Katie, if my brother is reading this to you, whilst you sit by the pool, in your villa, in the Mediterranean sunshine, I'd say that you were probably right, I was wrong. And sorry for being a complete Knobhead.

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