Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts

Monday, 16 November 2015

Your knee must be aching by now surely?

Firstly, I’d like to get the whole Paris thing out of the way.  What happened over the weekend of 14-15/11/2015 was an abomination. Nothing more.  The people who were directly involved and those animals who convinced them to blow themselves up or shoot innocent civilians need executing… No more, no less.  The 130 or so victims and their friends and family have my condolences, without reservation, not that it means much in the grand scheme of things. The dead will still be dead and the living will still be scared.



If you’re holding an event, or a silence, or if you’ve changed your Facebook picture to feature the Tricolore then it’s brilliant, especially if it makes you feel better about the situation or yourself… It’s great… You should totally do it – You probably shouldn’t do it if you’ve felt in any way pressured to do it, or you’re only doing it if everyone else is doing it and you’re worried about what people will think of you (See wearing a poppy).  But hey, that’s just my opinion and what do I know when it comes down to it? I’m just a fat, bald bloke who goes on about his unimportant thoughts.

What I’ve been thinking about recently are the other terrible things that have happened recently that no-one seems to give a toss about.  

You’d have had to have searched the news pretty hard to find out about the mass grave that’s just been found in Sinjar in Iraq, where the bodies of 70 or so elderly Yazidi women were found… Executed for the crime of being too old to be sold as sex-slaves by ISIS (or Daesh as people would have us call them this week – I wish these terrorist organisation would pick a name and stick with it… Islamic State, ISIS, ISIL… I can’t keep up) I’ve only seen one person who’s – very bravely in my opinion, changed their Facebook profile pic to the Iraqi flag to show solidarity with them. 

As it happens, I’ve seen a couple of Lebanese flags too.  What? You hadn’t heard that anything had happened in Lebanon? Now you’re wondering if you even know where Lebanon is. Well, does it help if I tell you that their capital city is Beirut?  People of a certain age may well have used the phrase ‘It looked like bloody Beirut.’ to imply that a place was messy… As if a bomb had gone off possibly, at one time or another.  Very popular in the 70’s were phrases like that – I’ve used it myself on occasion. Just before the weekend there was an ISIS twin bomb-attack on the Burj al-Barajneh district of downtown Beirut.  Admittedly, it only killed 40-odd people, but it did injure another 240, so that got the numbers up nicely – Should really have been worthy of some column inches somewhere other than in The Guardian don’t you think?

Then there was that nastiness with the Russian plane flying out of Egypt… You’ll have seen that on the news surely? But did anyone change their Profile picture for that? Although I’ll freely admit that I probably wouldn’t recognise a Russian flag if someone wrapped me in one and put a stitch through my lip – Back in my day it was a big, red affair with the hammer and sickle on it, but I gather it has stripes and everything now, it’s very post-modern – But I’m sure I would have remembered a minute’s silence for the 224 people who were blown to pieces by ISIS there.

Why France but not Lebanon or Iraq? It probably wasn’t because they were ‘only’ Arabs or some made-up Zoroastrian type religion that they don’t cover in British RE lessons.  Might it be because they were Middle-Eastern ‘Stone age’ type people who live in the dust and have livestock roaming about the place and read squiggly lines rather than good, honest western-type letters?  The world’s not really going to miss people like that are they?  It’d save us a fortune in aid if they all just kept blowing each other up wouldn’t it?

And the Russians? Is that just because they’re Bond Villains? They’re not men, women and children who were just flying home, moaning about having to go back to work in the office on Monday, or excitedly talking about the time that little Ludmilla trod on that sandcastle that her brother had taken an hour to make and he cried then tried to punch her.

And don’t get me started on Israel Vs Palestine – I’m really not sure whose side we’re supposed to be on at the minute – Is it the one that we sell guns to, or is it the ones who were flinging their sandals in the air and cheering on Sept 11th? – I can’t keep up with that either.

What really gets me is the reaction from all the British people who have the perfect answer to it all.  Whether it be killing all the ‘Muslins’, Daubing Nazi symbols on Bangladeshi shops or bombing ISIS back to the stone age.

Actually,

There’s two problems with that last one:

  1. They’re pretty much already in the stone age (see above)
  2. They look exactly like the plucky indigenous people that we’re trying to defend… You know, the people who are running away from it all, helping us out by trying not to die so that we don’t have to feel guilty about them.  When questioned, they will often reply “ISIS? No, not me squire, I’m a pomegranate salesman.”


We’re 100% at war, we’re at war with an armed group who have no issue with killing innocents (because they don’t really see anyone other than themselves as innocents).  But we’re not at war with a country.  If we were, we could just turn Syria or Afghanistan into car-parks in short order.  We have the technology.  We could do it from space probably, just to be sure.

We’re not even at war with a religion.  If we were, we’d be quite within our rights to have a crusade or at least a nice cuddly pogrom… We could put everyone who stops work every ten minutes and ululates towards Mecca to the sword and have done with it.

But we’re at war with an idea… A way of interpreting words in a book.  Can you kill an idea with bombs? You can kill the people who have that idea with bombs certainly.  But you have to find and kill every single person who has that idea.  And the people who’ve ever heard the idea – In case they ever decide that it’s a good idea.  Then you’d also need to kill the children of the people who’ve ever heard the idea – Because they’ll be bound to wonder why you killed their parents and they might get a bit shirty about it in the future and no-one wants that do they?  Not the whole thing starting all over again.


Do they? Powerful things these ideas, aren't they?

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Здравствуйте замечательные русские люди

Я было интересно, в течение длительного времени, почему я так много хитов из России. Мои статистика показывает, что я получаю много направлений от YANDEX.RU но я задавался вопросом, было ли что-то, в частности, что вы, ребята искали, когда вы пришли сюда?

Я не жалуюсь, пожалуйста, не думаю, что я - я думаю, это здорово. Я просто не понимаю.

Я имею в виду, я не говорю о водке очень часто, или икра или Храм Василия Блаженного или ... Я не знаю ... Иван Грозный, но многие из вас пришли сюда каждый день. И тащить меня в ГУЛАГ, если вы не верите мне, но я понятия не имею, почему?
Мой единственный ключ в том, что существует три обыски, которые были популярны в прошлом:

1: Интернет говоря
2: Я сижу здесь на грани
3: Двери запираются

Означают ли они что-то другое на русском языке? Являются ли они тексты песен или названия организаций? Они появляются в игре или головоломки?  Мне бы очень хотелось знать.

Если бы вы могли оставить меня комментарий в нижней части страницы, предпочтительно на английском языке, если это нормально, я получил все вышеперечисленное России из бутылки - Но я предполагаю, что вы можете понять по-английски, потому что вы не будет читать блог иначе.

Кроме того, можно отправить по электронной почте: thechimpingdandy@hotmail.co.uk если бы вы хотели.

Я очень ценю это, спасибо заранее.

(Конечно, если вы английский человек, может быть, представитель сил Ее Величества безопасности, застряв в скрытом базы на Урале, просто опубликовать что-то вроде 'Сова ест шоколад в ночное время "в комментариях, так что я знать, чтобы не беспокоить вас снова - К сожалению за нарушение вашего крышку.)

-oOo-

OK, for those of you who don't speak Russian as well as I do,  The title and contents of today's Blog is as follows:


Hello wonderful Russian people.

I've been wondering for a long time why I get so many hits from Russia. My statistics show that I get a lot of referrals from YANDEX.RU but I wondered if there was something in particular that you guys were looking for when you came here?

I'm not complaining, please don't think I am - I think it's great. I just don't understand.

I mean, I don't talk about Vodka very often, or caviar or Saint Basil's Cathedral or... I don't know... Ivan The Terrible, but a lot of you come here every day. And drag me to the Gulag if you don't believe me, but I've no idea why?

My only clue is that there have been three searches, that have been popular in the past:

1: The Internet Saying
2: I sit here on the verge
3: The doors lock

Do they mean something different in Russian? Are they song lyrics or names of organisations?  Do they appear in a game or puzzle?  I would really like to know.

If you could leave me a comment at the bottom of the page, preferably in English if that's OK, I got all of the Russian above out of a bottle - But I'm guessing that you can understand English, because you wouldn't be reading the Blog otherwise.

You could also send an email to: thechimpingdandy@hotmail.co.uk if you wanted to.

I would really appreciate it, thanks in advance.

(Of course, if you're an English person, maybe a representative of Her Majesty's Security Forces, Stuck in a hidden base in the Urals, just post something like 'The Owl eats Chocolate in the Night time' in the comments, so that I know not to bother you again - Sorry for breaking your cover.)

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Я очень популярны в России


Firstly, another apology... Three days without a Blog!

What was I thinking?

Well, Monday and Tuesday I wholeheartedly blame on my day-job.  Lots of documentation that needed doing, lots of research, lots of boring stuff that pays the bills.

Yesterday I spent lolling in my pit until I felt strong enough to drag myself to the sofa and watch the final episode of 'American Horror Story: Asylum' (That I Sky+'d about 15 years ago) and had a bit of a cry when I realised that Mrs Dandy had deleted all the old episodes of 'Star Wars: The Clone Wars' that I was saving for those days when I feel like an eight year old...

(No, not like that... You maggots!)

Anywho, a mixture of various painkillers, glucose drinks and sheer bloodymindedness has seen me drag my weary old frame the fifty miles to work, on my hands and knees, so that I can waffle to you ungrateful lot about the square-root of bugger all whilst someone pays me to do something completely different. (Although, in fairness, I did send a couple of mails from my deathbed yesterday - So I class that as working from home - Guilt assuaged)

Secondly, the title of this post could probably do with some explaining.  recently, I've been getting rather more than usual hits from search engines, and not from my regular 'Things you can type into Google where the Blog is the first Hit' Twitter posts -

Today's is 'Nude Pangolin is House of Lords IT guru' by the way, just so as you know.

No, these hits are from the Russian language search engine yandex.ru (as I think I might have mentioned when it originally started happening).  The three search terms that they are using are 'The Doors Lock', 'The Internet Saying' and 'I Sit Here on the Verge' - These have stormed to the top of the Most popular searches ever with around 60 instances between them.

I would love to know what they're actually searching for, as I've tried doing it myself and just get a random selection of unconnected page results... Maybe someone cleverer than me can let me know - Or if you're a Russian person, whose English is better than my Russian - Which wouldn't be difficult as I'm pretty much lost after Spasibo (спасибо) - Please leave a comment as to what you're actually looking for, I'd be really appreciative.

Not... That... Appreciative. Sheesh dude, you literally have one track minds... I wouldn't even know how to do half the things you're thinking about!

If this Blog was written in real-time... There'd be a huge gap just there ^ as I've been away from my desk for the past hour 'Doing the post'

I work for a large, multinational (hairdressing) company... Who still does their post manually. five people from various sections of the office come together every fortnight, in a spirit of co-operation and harmony and take post out of pigeonholes, stuff it into a brown envelopes, stick a label on it and send it for franking...

Which is exactly why I got into IT...

Stuffing hairdressers payslips into envelopes...

You ever get the feeling that your life isn't going in completely the right direction?