OK, so I've been putting off the Nickleback post - but seeing as the amount of people visiting the blog has plummeted since we had the 'Supreme Being' talk. It's obviously time that I got a bit more mainstream and started laying into the easy targets.
Nickleback are a bunch of guys from Canada who are presumably following the Canadian teenage boys dream of finding a job that doesn't involve chopping down majestic Larch & Redwood trees, not having to work as a Paul Bunyan impersonator, staying warm and not becoming an alcoholic (or is that Finland? - I always get the two confused) - Formed by the Kroeger brothers in the '90s as a covers band and going on to meteoric success, for instance becoming the second most popular foreign band in the USA (Second only to the Beatles my friends - Let's just take a moment to digest that - Second only to the Beatles!)
They've had a couple of inoffensive hits, 'How you remind me' was one of those songs that had a chorus that crowds of drunk girls sang about their boyfriends when they got together - And eveyone thought that the video to 'Rockstar' was funny and gave the people with a small amount of RAWK! knowledge a chance to go, 'That's that bloke out of Zed-Zed Top that is!' and people with more TV knowledge to say 'That's that girl's Dad out of Bones'.
But one of their songs that I do take issue with (If we discount all the album tracks that are about strippers, oral sex and getting drunk) is the one I have detailed the lyrics of below:
It's called 'If today was your last day'
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way'
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
(C) and all rights reserved Nickleback & Roadrunner Records blah-blah etc. etc.
Right - So far, so Meh! - But seriously, it's as if they just took a collection of fortune cookies, smashed them open with a hockey stick and wrote down the ensuing chaos in an exercise book - I'm reliably informed, though I haven't seen it myself that the video for the song details the journey of two young scamps with a bag full of 'Stuff' (Which I'm guessing we are supposed to think is contraband of some kind - So that we can have our misconceptions well and truly challenged at the end) that turns out to be small strips of paper with lines from the songs on them which they distribute to people and change the world for the better, the lion shall lie down with the lamb, black and white will sit side-by-side on piano keyboards etc - I wonder if these pieces of paper are the actual fortune cookie favours that helped them write the song in the first place? - In effect, the song is a Chinese meal with all the good bits taken out.
The worry is that people (mainly the hard of thinking) will take these as a deep, meaningful and genuine expressions of empowerment and not lazy, derivative claptrap.
But saying all that, They've sold 50,000,000 or so more examples of their work than I have - Maybe I should see if Simon Cowell wants to buy my completely original picture of some dogs playing poker?
* Yes, I realise that picking on Nickleback is lazy and derivative... You're stuck in a web of irony, didn't you know? - We'll get back to the funny stuff tomorrow when I've shifted this cold
Showing posts with label Nickleback. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nickleback. Show all posts
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
I'm like an attention whore, innit?
... An' I ain't even lying though Brah!
You know those people who say 'It's a small world'? Don't you just want to smack them in their gurning, platitude espousing, pie slots? No? Then maybe I'm just over-reacting.
It's not, really - If you wanted to walk around the equator, you're gonna need a few pairs of boots... It's about 25,000 miles, which is only a 10th of the distance to the Moon! - It's got a surface area (both wet and dry before the nit-pickers start) of about 197,000,000 square miles. (I am so hot for Wolfram Alpha right now!)
I know that that isn't what they mean, I know they're probably talking about Globalisation and the Transglobal Information Superhighway and High Speed point to point air travel, but while it still takes me two hours to drive the 55 miles to work, my view is that the world's pretty bloody massive.
OK, I can feel myself calming down now, I've had my second coffee and some chocolate.
This wasn't even going to be a full post, I was just going to document my Internet footprint so that those of you who only follow my Twitter can look at my DeviantArt, or my Facebook friends can subscribe to my Twitter, or suchlike and wherefore.
So, where can you find me?
Well, here, obviously... The Chimping Dandy Blog - The place that I put stuff that serves to both make me sound clever and to make you smile. You can comment on this, it is allowed - I'd quite like it in fact.
Via eMail: thechimpingdandy@hotmail.co.uk
You can email me here should you wish to ask a question that you feel is too intimate for the comments section, or if'n you're plain shy.
On DeviantArt Occasionally the mood takes me to scribble uncontrollably with pens & pencils on paper - Some of which isn't completely unrecognisable, I sometimes post my stuff here, feel free to comment. I also do tattoo flash, which I really should start charging for, as its popularity is increasing (I am very shallow... The price will depend on how well I know you and/or how pretty you are).
On Twitter: Follow me at @Chimping_Dandy
(Aaaarghhh - No wonder no-one follows me.. I forgot the Underscore!)
A lot of what i post is drivel - No, seriously, you have been warned. I'm a great believer that Jack & Noah are collecting all the 'Stream of Conciousness' type tweets, feeding them into a giant robot in the shape of Godzilla wearing a sombrero and a 'SkyNet' T-Shirt and waiting for the day when it becomes self-aware. Of course, rather than destorying Tokyo, it will more likely travelling the world discussing Kerouac and telling people what its favourite flavour of crisp is.
If you're a real stalker, you'll be able to find my Facebook page, it (currently) has the donor image that my Blog & Twitter avatar were cloned from as the Profile Picture - I'm not going to post the URL here - If you really want to know the 'real' me, then feel free to mail me and I'll drop a link to you.
I am also more than happy to be a guest contributor to other people's blogs, why anyone would want me to be is a source of constant wonderment to me, but if you're interested in that, then let me know. Here's one I did earlier for James Josiah's Flash Fiction Blog, which you should follow if you're not squeamish:
T-Minus 4 Minutes
It doesn't have to be fiction, I can rant about most things given enough time.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow, I was thinking of something on 'The Whit and Whisdom of Nickleback' - To be read in the voice of Stewie Griffin.
P.S. For those of you who are interested in such things - This Blog was originally going to be called 'The Digital Orgone Accumulator'. But I decided that:
a) It made me sound like Dave Brock's Hipster brother
b) My good friend Pete came up with a much better name - for which I am eternally grateful.
P.P.S. The name has nothing to do with digital cameras...
You know those people who say 'It's a small world'? Don't you just want to smack them in their gurning, platitude espousing, pie slots? No? Then maybe I'm just over-reacting.
It's not, really - If you wanted to walk around the equator, you're gonna need a few pairs of boots... It's about 25,000 miles, which is only a 10th of the distance to the Moon! - It's got a surface area (both wet and dry before the nit-pickers start) of about 197,000,000 square miles. (I am so hot for Wolfram Alpha right now!)
I know that that isn't what they mean, I know they're probably talking about Globalisation and the Transglobal Information Superhighway and High Speed point to point air travel, but while it still takes me two hours to drive the 55 miles to work, my view is that the world's pretty bloody massive.
OK, I can feel myself calming down now, I've had my second coffee and some chocolate.
This wasn't even going to be a full post, I was just going to document my Internet footprint so that those of you who only follow my Twitter can look at my DeviantArt, or my Facebook friends can subscribe to my Twitter, or suchlike and wherefore.
So, where can you find me?
Well, here, obviously... The Chimping Dandy Blog - The place that I put stuff that serves to both make me sound clever and to make you smile. You can comment on this, it is allowed - I'd quite like it in fact.
Via eMail: thechimpingdandy@hotmail.co.uk
You can email me here should you wish to ask a question that you feel is too intimate for the comments section, or if'n you're plain shy.
On DeviantArt Occasionally the mood takes me to scribble uncontrollably with pens & pencils on paper - Some of which isn't completely unrecognisable, I sometimes post my stuff here, feel free to comment. I also do tattoo flash, which I really should start charging for, as its popularity is increasing (I am very shallow... The price will depend on how well I know you and/or how pretty you are).
On Twitter: Follow me at @Chimping_Dandy
(Aaaarghhh - No wonder no-one follows me.. I forgot the Underscore!)
A lot of what i post is drivel - No, seriously, you have been warned. I'm a great believer that Jack & Noah are collecting all the 'Stream of Conciousness' type tweets, feeding them into a giant robot in the shape of Godzilla wearing a sombrero and a 'SkyNet' T-Shirt and waiting for the day when it becomes self-aware. Of course, rather than destorying Tokyo, it will more likely travelling the world discussing Kerouac and telling people what its favourite flavour of crisp is.
If you're a real stalker, you'll be able to find my Facebook page, it (currently) has the donor image that my Blog & Twitter avatar were cloned from as the Profile Picture - I'm not going to post the URL here - If you really want to know the 'real' me, then feel free to mail me and I'll drop a link to you.
-+-+- Shameless Advert -+-+-
I am also more than happy to be a guest contributor to other people's blogs, why anyone would want me to be is a source of constant wonderment to me, but if you're interested in that, then let me know. Here's one I did earlier for James Josiah's Flash Fiction Blog, which you should follow if you're not squeamish:
T-Minus 4 Minutes
It doesn't have to be fiction, I can rant about most things given enough time.
-+-+- End of Shameless Advert -+-+-
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow, I was thinking of something on 'The Whit and Whisdom of Nickleback' - To be read in the voice of Stewie Griffin.
P.S. For those of you who are interested in such things - This Blog was originally going to be called 'The Digital Orgone Accumulator'. But I decided that:
a) It made me sound like Dave Brock's Hipster brother
b) My good friend Pete came up with a much better name - for which I am eternally grateful.
P.P.S. The name has nothing to do with digital cameras...
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
I'm a Bigot, You're a Bigot, We're ALL Bigots...
Originally posted on Facebook 7/11/12
OK Friends, (I think I know most of you well enough to call you friends now) I’d like to talk a little bit about bigotry.
Not the piddly little types of bigotry that you can easily sweep under the carpet, like racial bigotry – I mean, when it comes down to it, does it really matter what colo(u)r the President of the World is? Do we have to cry ‘it’s only because all the minorities voted for him’? – If that’s the case, it should make the 2024 Presidential Election interesting as I believe that’s the one where, according to recent figures, Americans of white, Anglo-Saxon descent become the minority in what they still insist on calling ‘their own country’.
Nor do I refer to bigotry about sexual orientation. I mean some of my dearest friends have nommed more Axminster than I could ever possibly hope to buy knocked off Chinese DVDs of, it doesn’t make their opinion any less valid than those who enjoy their sausage with a side order of hot fish yoghurt does it?
Religious bigotry? Nope, not talking about that either. Despite not being what anyone in possession of all of their marbles would describe as a Christian, I go to Church every Sunday, and whilst I freely admit that there are people there who I would not trust to look after a straightened out paperclip, This has nothing to do with their religious beliefs, it’s just that they’re as mad as badgers!
No, I’m talking about that most insidious of bigotries… Musical bigotry! (there, I said it!) I know that I’m not an expert; I don’t have a GCSE in ‘Musical Appreciation’ and I don’t sing or play an instrument with any degree of skill or finesse but, as the Pope said when Michelangelo presented him with the painting of the Penultimate Supper (You know, the one with the kangaroo and the jellies and the three Christs) ‘Look, I’m the bloody Pope, I may not know much about art, but I know what I like!’… Obviously I’m not the Pope, I’ve never worn a brown shirt, but you get the idea.
Can you think of a time when you’ve looked down on someone because they like Dubstep, or made assumptions about the intelligence of people who like any kind of music where the ‘artist’ has to mention their own name repeatedly in the body of the song so they don’t forget who they’re listening to? – I know I have, and I thought that that made me a bad person, a bigot of the highest order. But then I looked at my own musical tastes and realised that I was a victim too. In the past people had laughed at me for quite liking Duran Duran and Adam & the Ants and this was bad enough until I said something during a discussion about popular music that has subsequently caused me to be treated like a leper. I remember it was a Thursday, and quite sunny, and we were all sat in Starbucks drinking Venti iced X 2 H O WC CRFL’s when I uttered the fateful words ‘You know, some of the stuff by Maroon 5 and Nickleback isn’t that bad’
There are some things you can never take back… All the people at the table instantly took out their Non-generic smartphones and unfriended me from Facebook and I was given real Paddington hard stares from over the tops of their hipster glasses until I felt so uncomfortable that I had to put on my hemp flip-flops, get back on my leopard-print Schwinn Stingray and cycle all the way home.
I have never spoken to any of them again.
Remember kids, bigotry is bad, especially when it’s directed at me.
OK Friends, (I think I know most of you well enough to call you friends now) I’d like to talk a little bit about bigotry.
Not the piddly little types of bigotry that you can easily sweep under the carpet, like racial bigotry – I mean, when it comes down to it, does it really matter what colo(u)r the President of the World is? Do we have to cry ‘it’s only because all the minorities voted for him’? – If that’s the case, it should make the 2024 Presidential Election interesting as I believe that’s the one where, according to recent figures, Americans of white, Anglo-Saxon descent become the minority in what they still insist on calling ‘their own country’.
Nor do I refer to bigotry about sexual orientation. I mean some of my dearest friends have nommed more Axminster than I could ever possibly hope to buy knocked off Chinese DVDs of, it doesn’t make their opinion any less valid than those who enjoy their sausage with a side order of hot fish yoghurt does it?
Religious bigotry? Nope, not talking about that either. Despite not being what anyone in possession of all of their marbles would describe as a Christian, I go to Church every Sunday, and whilst I freely admit that there are people there who I would not trust to look after a straightened out paperclip, This has nothing to do with their religious beliefs, it’s just that they’re as mad as badgers!
No, I’m talking about that most insidious of bigotries… Musical bigotry! (there, I said it!) I know that I’m not an expert; I don’t have a GCSE in ‘Musical Appreciation’ and I don’t sing or play an instrument with any degree of skill or finesse but, as the Pope said when Michelangelo presented him with the painting of the Penultimate Supper (You know, the one with the kangaroo and the jellies and the three Christs) ‘Look, I’m the bloody Pope, I may not know much about art, but I know what I like!’… Obviously I’m not the Pope, I’ve never worn a brown shirt, but you get the idea.
Can you think of a time when you’ve looked down on someone because they like Dubstep, or made assumptions about the intelligence of people who like any kind of music where the ‘artist’ has to mention their own name repeatedly in the body of the song so they don’t forget who they’re listening to? – I know I have, and I thought that that made me a bad person, a bigot of the highest order. But then I looked at my own musical tastes and realised that I was a victim too. In the past people had laughed at me for quite liking Duran Duran and Adam & the Ants and this was bad enough until I said something during a discussion about popular music that has subsequently caused me to be treated like a leper. I remember it was a Thursday, and quite sunny, and we were all sat in Starbucks drinking Venti iced X 2 H O WC CRFL’s when I uttered the fateful words ‘You know, some of the stuff by Maroon 5 and Nickleback isn’t that bad’
There are some things you can never take back… All the people at the table instantly took out their Non-generic smartphones and unfriended me from Facebook and I was given real Paddington hard stares from over the tops of their hipster glasses until I felt so uncomfortable that I had to put on my hemp flip-flops, get back on my leopard-print Schwinn Stingray and cycle all the way home.
I have never spoken to any of them again.
Remember kids, bigotry is bad, especially when it’s directed at me.
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